As Zach was working on his Bible College coursework the other night, he said, "Mama, I have to send this to you." Soon an email appeared in my laptop inbox, and this is what the subject line said.
"What is Jesus Doing at the Father's Right Hand?"
I clicked it open to read this—
"To make high priestly prayers for us.
Many believers feel the apostle Paul was the greatest and most spiritual Christian who ever lived. Certainly, he was a powerful and effective prayer warrior. When Paul talked with God, prisons were shaken, doors were opened, chains were loosed, and people were saved (Acts 16:25-34)! With all this in mind let us suppose that in the midst of your darkest hour of pain and grief the phone rings and the apostle Paul is on the other side of the line.
“Fellow Christian,” he begins, “I just wanted you to know I am very much aware concerning your terrible sufferings, and therefore plan to spend the next 24 hours on my knees crying out in prayer just for you!”
What an incredible reassurance and comfort that would be! Think of it—the great apostle Paul, writer of half the New Testament, is praying for you! But wait! Amidst your tears and travail you now hear another voice.
“My dear child, you need to know I am fully acquainted with all your sad grief and despair. Therefore, I plan to do today that which I have previously done since the time of your salvation and will continue to do as long as you live, and that is to spend every single second of every single minute of every single hour of every single day at my Father’s right hand, praying for you'."
Would not this serve as a blessed balm to soothe one’s wounded soul? Would it not heal the raw hurt of the human heart? Indeed it would and should, for this is exactly what the Savior is doing at this very moment for each believer reading these words (Rom 8:34; Heb 9:25)."
What a comfort it is to know Jesus is praying unceasingly for us even as we pray to the Father in His name! What would we do without Him in these troubled times? To whom would we turn? He is surely our only hope.
Speaking of prayer, today I feel I need Him even more, as it marks the 8th anniversary of my dear Mom's homegoing to Heaven. Oh, how I miss her and Dad! Especially, during times like these. I miss their prayers more than I could ever put into words. I miss being able to call them and pour out my heart. I miss Mom calling me and saying, "Cheryl, the Lord gave me a Scripture for you, honey." OH, dear Lord! How does one ever stop missing a Mom and Dad such as mine? June 5th will mark 20 years since my dear Dad went to Heaven. I can't believe they have been gone for so long. Passing time only makes me miss them more.
I often wonder what on earth they would think if they could see what is going on in our world and how things have changed since they left here. I don't think they would be able to believe how far morals have slipped and how ungodly things have become. They would be appalled to think of the pandemic and all that is going on. This is one of the few times, I am GLAD they are already safe in Jesus' arms forever, nevermore to be threatened by a virus or any other of the evil in this world. It comforts me to know they are safe forevermore.
As I thought of what Zach shared with me and Jesus interceding for us, my mind went to an old song Mom, Dad, and I used to often sing together. I went through our crate of cassette tapes and, praise the Lord, I found it. Oh, my goodness. You can imagine how the tears flowed when I put it in our cassette player and hit the play button! Dad was on there laughing, he and Mom were going back and forth about who would sing lead and who would sing tenor —they ended up deciding Dad would lead, Mom would sing alto, and I would sing high tenor. Oh, the memories that flooded over me! I could hardly bear it for a little while. Then I got the nerve to play it through and record it on to my laptop. I apologize that the sound quality is very poor and glitchy, but I thought I would go ahead and share it anyway. I hope you enjoy it.
As I miss them, the precious Holy Spirit comforts me with words like these,
"As one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you." Isaiah 66:13
"When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take care of me." Psalm 27:10
"The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms." Deuteronomy 33:27
Happy 8th Anniversary in Heaven, dear, sweet Mom.
You will never know how much I miss you and Dad!
I trust all of you readers are staying safe and healthy continually.
"Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost."
Romans 15:13
“But I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; that ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for He makes His sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.”
Jesus
(Matthew 5:44,45)
Recently, a dear friend, asked me to write an article exploring the question of why God allows bad things to happen to good people. I must say, when she first asked, I was stumped because it is a question I have personally wrestled with for many years. In response to my wondering, the Lord gave me some thoughts that I felt led to share with you today. I hope they will be an encouragement to you in whatever struggles you currently face.
"A mother of four returns home from church to find her husband’s mangled car, just a block from home. As she enters her house, the phone is ringing. It is the hospital telling her to come quick, that her husband has been in an accident. She asks, “How bad is he?” only to have the nurse on the other end of the line insufficiently cover the receiver while asking another nurse, “Shall I tell her?” In that moment, she knows he is gone. She struggles wondering why he wouldn’t stop drinking, how she will tell her children their daddy is gone, and how they will ever make it through.
After the ending of a tumultuous relationship, a sweet, kind-hearted girlfriend takes him back just one more time. She gives him everything he asks for, including the money in her purse, only to have him return a few hours later to ruthlessly and repeatedly stab her face and body, leaving her lying in a pool of blood. She is found, arms folded, eyes turned Heavenward, dead, on her apartment floor.
She and I stand beside my mother’s/her great-grandmother’s casket as she begins pouring out her heart. Addiction, abuse, and bad lifestyle choices have caused her to lose custody of her three children, and the only way she could attend the funeral was by obtaining a special pass from rehab. She tells me how she has made up her mind to change, and I tell her how proud of her I am. Just a few weeks later, she is released from rehab and everyone thinks she is finally turning her life around. Then someone makes an offer she can’t refuse, and she decides to go back for one more fix. Something goes terribly wrong, and her Daddy finds her dead the next morning, lying on his bathroom floor.
This stuff isn’t made up. This is real life. Each of these are true and have touched my life and the lives of those I love in a deeply personal way. I could go on and on. There are plenty more stories. You could probably share many of your own. The human condition is something we all have in common. Everybody hurts. We all cry. Things touch our lives, and we are left reeling, sometimes to never fully recover.
So, the question is, why does God allow bad things to happen to good people?
Why does God look on while such things happen? How can a loving God allow such pain to be inflicted upon His creation? We hear of horrific happenings every evening on the nightly news, and we find ourselves asking the age-old, still-unanswered question again and again. Why does God allow bad things to happen to good people?
In spite of the frequency and number of times it has been asked, the question remains unanswered because to answer this question one would have to be able to see into, know, and fully understand the mind and reasoning of God. We know from Scripture that God is high above us, and His thoughts and ways are beyond what we have the capacity of comprehending.
“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8,9
“For who hath known the mind of the Lord, that he may instruct Him?” I Corinthians 2:16
“Then the LORD answered Job out of the whirlwind and said, "Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge? Now gird up your loins like a man, And I will ask you, and you instruct Me! Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?” Job 38:1-4
From these verses, we conclude that we can never fully answer the question of why God allows bad things to happen to good people, but as we look at a broader view of Scripture, we can see that God’s original and never-faltering nature is and always has been purely and entirely good. Our hearts cry, “Why, God?” when bad things happen because deep in each one of our spirits, we believe that God is good. We believe He is sovereign, that He is in complete control, and that He can prevent bad things from happening. So, why doesn’t He?
This world, when first created, was a perfect place where nothing bad ever happened and all was ideal. Even the concept of “bad” did not exist. God created Adam and Eve and placed them in a perfect paradise and named it the Garden of Eden. God said that everything He had created was good, and He gave them one command, “Don’t eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.” They made the conscious choice to disobey that one command, choosing evil over good, and when they did, they performed the very first exercise of free will. The choice they made was a bad one, and for the first time, the reality of “bad” was introduced. In the beginning, “bad” was never a part of God’s plan. His intentions for His creation were and always will be, all good. If Adam and Eve had obeyed and stayed in the center of God’s original intentions, “bad” would not have been introduced to their world.
Accompanying disobedience to the command to not eat from that one particular tree, was a consequence. If they ate of that tree, life would forever change for them, and instead of living forever in an Eden on earth, they would die. Not just a natural, physical demise, but also a spiritual death. Their sin would separate them from God and create a barrier to their fellowship. Because of their disobedience, they were driven out of the utopia God had prepared for them into a world where Adam had to earn his living by the sweat of his brow and Eve had to bear children through agonizing pain. We can see that their punishment was self-inflicted and caused by their own unwise use of the free will God gave them. It certainly wasn’t God’s “fault” at all. He gave fair and ample warning as to what would happen should they use their free will to disobey.
Adam and Eve lived out the punishment for their sin, but their errant actions didn’t just affect them. How wonderful it would have been for the human race if the repercussions had stopped there! In reality, because of Adam and Eve’s disobedience, each one of us is born with what Bible scholars call the Adamic nature. The nature of Adam. The propensity to sin and perpetuate the bad choice and disobedience that started in that garden all those years ago. No man is an island. Just as their actions affect us and every other person ever born, our own actions, whether good or bad, affect other people.
Free will is not selective. It is universal and innate. Free will when mishandled breeds bad choices. Bad choices generate bad consequences and repercussions that spill over into the lives of others causing never-ending ripples that affect not only the present but future generations.
In all of the three examples I shared, we can see that unwise use of free will caused the suffering of others. In each of these situations, God could have intervened. He could have prevented the grief and heartache of the sufferers and victims, but in order to do that, He would have had to override the free will of another person. He gave us free will, He CAN override it, but if He did, it would no longer be unbridled and authentic free will. God obviously did not want to fill the role of puppeteer over our lives. He created us with a unique will and the power to choose, and He will not revoke that decision or forcefully control our actions.
In situations like the ones I’ve mentioned, it isn’t hard to see what caused bad things to happen to good people. But, what about the young wife, Sophia, who dies of a congenital heart disease? What about another young wife, Melissa, who dies of cancer just months after her wedding day? What about the Christian blogger who suffers horribly from Rheumatoid Arthritis? We are always looking for a cause, aren’t we? When nothing makes sense, and we aren’t able to reconcile what is happening, our first impulse is to blame the One Who could have prevented it.
Joseph in the Old Testament was ruthlessly betrayed by his eleven brothers, sold into slavery, forced to move to a foreign land, falsely accused of a crime, thrown into prison, completely cast aside, and forgotten. At the end of his suffering, God elevated him to the position of 2nd in command in the nation of Egypt. When he faced the traitorous brothers who were the cause of his deep trials, and they feared severe retribution from him, he said this, “Fear not: for am I in the place of God? But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive.” Genesis 50:19,20
All along, God had a plan and was in the process of orchestrating it in and through the life of Joseph. The fact that Joseph could not see that plan through eyes behind prison walls did not negate the fact that God had and was executing said plan. God always has a plan. Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.” This doesn’t say that all things will BE good, but it does promise that all things work together for good. Not just the good things, but the bad things, too. It is like a jigsaw puzzle. When you open it and lay out the pieces, you see bright pieces that instantly make perfect sense and are immediately recognizable. A fuchsia colored flower, a puffy cloud, a fallen leaf. But, there are also many ugly pieces that seem to make no sense and seem completely out of place and unrecognizable. As time goes by, you put the pieces together, piece by piece, only to see that the ugly pieces had purpose, too. What looked like a black, pointless piece turns out to be a gentleman’s hat or a hinge on a garden gate. Its purpose is crystal clear once the pieces are fitted together. The beautiful, identifiable pieces sitting right next to the ugly, mysterious pieces in perfect harmony, just like the puzzle maker intended. When the last piece falls into place, you stand back and look at the full effect, and then and then only, does it all make perfect sense, and you realize that every piece was a part of the plan all along.
I don’t understand why the young wife with a congenital heart disease had to die, was never afforded the opportunity to live out life with her husband, have babies, or grow old. What I can say is that before she died, she asked him to promise her that he would pursue a musical career. He faithfully kept that promise, and it opened the door to a ministry that is blessing people all over the world. In the aftermath of his deep loss, he wrote a book called, “Hope in Front of Me: Find Purpose in Your Darkest Moments” and started a homeless ministry in honor of his wife, Sophia, called "Sophia's Heart", now known as "Better Than I Found It." His name is Danny Gokey.
I don’t understand why the young wife had to die from cancer, why she was never given the opportunity to live out her dreams or why God chose not to heal her and spare her life. What I can say is that her young husband drew deep inspiration from his pain and wrote a book called, “I Still Believe: Discovering Hope and Healing in the Midst of Life's Deepest Valleys” and songs like, “There Will Be A Day” and “He Knows.” I hear they are making a movie about his life that will, undoubtedly touch the lives of millions. His name is Jeremy Camp.
Joseph Scriven’s first love & proposed bride drowned the day before they were to be married. He moved from his home in Ireland to Canada, fell in love and became engaged a second time, only to endure the heartache of her death just a few weeks before their scheduled wedding. His sorrow propelled him to pour his life into helping the handicapped and destitute. When his mother became ill, and he had no funds to return to Ireland to be with her, the immense anguish in his heart became the birthplace of “What A Friend We Have in Jesus.”
After Horatio Spafford lost his young son to pneumonia, much of his business was destroyed in the Chicago fire, the ship that carried his four young daughters collided with another ship, and all four of their lives were lost, he wrote the song, “It Is Well With My Soul.”
Maybe instead of asking the question why God allows bad things to happen to good people, we should be watching to see what happens afterward. Maybe we should start looking for the good things that were birthed from the point of pain. Countless survivors of bad things have overcome their circumstances to go on and share their stories and let others know they are not alone. Their testimonies have resonated with millions who have found hope in the midst of their own heartache. My Daddy always told me that character is forged in the crucible of pain. He spoke from places of deeply hurtful personal experience and was one of the most humble, kind-hearted, giving, unselfish, compassionate people I have ever known. When faced with life’s challenges, we are given the choice of allowing the anguish to make us bitter or better. My Daddy chose the latter, and it resonated through everything he ever taught me about life.
“Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3,4
From this verse, we can conclude these things:
•Our God is the God of ALL comfort. His comfort extends to every possible bad thing that can ever happen. We do not walk alone. Whether it be divorce or painful separation, the death of someone dear, the loss of a job, a stifled or unfulfilled dream, the loss of a pet, disappointment, embarrassment, shame, betrayal, abuse, shock, financial distress, depression, addiction, anxiety, despair, suicidal temptation, abandonment, ex-communication from a denominational sect, slander, or any other life event, His comfort covers it all and is equally effective in every situation.
•Our God is the Father of mercies! He is merciful to us. The love of God comforts, it doesn’t condemn. He doesn’t blame us for the bad things others inflict upon us. He doesn’t shame us for being victims. His mercy is a healing balm that will wash over every place of brokenness and open wound, if we will only stop blaming Him and open our hearts to His healing.
•Once a person has received comfort from God in any particular area of life, they are automatically endowed with a deeper capacity of compassion in that area. Once someone has walked through divorce, they are much more sensitive, non-judgmental, and understanding toward others who find themselves in that position. After walking through the valley of the shadow of a mother’s death, a person is far better equipped to empathize with the friend who just lost her Mom. The recovering addict whose family left due to his out of control cocaine use is far less likely to ever cast judgment on the teenage junkie he meets ten years down the road. It is amazing how God places specific people in each of our lives who are going through identical pain to our own. This is not by coincidence or accident but is Divinely-appointed providential care both for us and for the person who is suffering what we have already gone through and survived. It holds a lot more weight to look a suicidal person in the eye and say, “I’ve been there. I’m still here. I made it, and you will, too” than to just be able to say, “I’m sorry you are going through this. I can only imagine how you feel.” Bad things prepare and qualify us for authentically compassionate outreach in our own areas of experience and expertise and make us far more effective as we offer that same kind of comfort to someone else. “that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.” See how that works? As you look back over your life and recall the bad things that have happened to you, it is very likely you will therein unearth the area of calling God has placed upon your life. When you were suffering most and felt God-forsaken, He was furnishing you with the very tools He would one day empower you to use to help and minister to others. There are few things more gratifying than to witness the power of God’s redemption of your own sorrow and to see how He takes what was bad and transforms it into the impartation of good.
The words of Henry Wadsworth Longfellow’s poem, “The Rainy Day” hold much wisdom and truth.
“Be still, sad heart! and cease repining;
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall,
Some days must be dark and dreary.”
“These things I have spoken unto you, that in Me you might have peace. In the world you shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world. “ Jesus (John 16:33)
Because of Adam and Eve’s sin in the Garden, we live in a fallen world where “bad” has been introduced. To think we will walk through life unscathed by tribulation is unrealistic. It is all in the overcoming. Because Jesus overcame, so will we.
Why does God allow bad things to happen to good people? While I don’t feel we can ever fully comprehend the mind of God and our finite thoughts can never be reconciled with the infinity of His, could the answer to this question lie in the fact that God knows good people will use the bad to become better?
Full disclosure –Many of the thoughts I share were born out of a deep, late-night conversation with our dear son, Zach, and he greatly contributed to the thoughts I am presenting here. Thank you, dear Zach, and may God ever bless you for the continual blessing you are to your Daddy and me.
"I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all."
Ecclesiastes 9:11
(KJV)
As I contemplated the process of closing out yet another year of life,
I began to think of it as AD 2017, and I delved into the meaning of "AD".
This abbreviated term is often misinterpreted as "After Death" of Jesus Christ,
but, in actuality, "AD" means "anno Domini" and the full phrase translates,
I think it is safe to say that the amount of worry I have carried and the tears I have cried this year
far surpass a lot of other years of living combined.
It started on January 1st...the very first day of this year,
when my niece, Kristen, who was expecting her first child, collapsed in the Emergency Room,
only to find out that she had a blood clot in her lung.
What followed was an intense urgency placed upon my heart to personally pray her and her unborn baby through the pregnancy and delivery.
It was something that I could not shake off or dismiss, because Kristen is, and always has been,
very near and dear to my heart.
Though I knew I had no control over any part of the outcome of her ordeal,
I was bound and determined to do all I could to move God on His throne on behalf of her and her unborn baby boy, often asking you, dear friends, to join with me in fervent prayer.
(Which, by the way, you were ever so faithful to do, and I am eternally grateful for you.)
The outcome God permitted was a definite response to the many prayers prayed.
More about the little miracle guy and pictures later.😃
During the time of Kristen's trials, several other extenuating circumstances began to arise,
that required more of me than I felt I could even begin to give.
Time after time, I have been forced way past what I thought were my "limits".
God stretched me in so many ways this year, I realized my "limits" were just points the flesh part of me never wanted to have to go past or deal with.
As much as I did not want to walk past those points, God had other plans,
and each time He forced me forward into places I did not want to go, it became evident that I was not walking at all, but being carried by arms that refuse to let go.
I know it sounds insane, but the only way I know to describe the way I have felt, at times this year, is that it was like I was having an out of body experience.
It was almost like it wasn't even me....going through the motions, stumbling along, doing what was required on automatic pilot, completely numb and void of feeling.
We end this year much different than we started.
Kevin no longer has an earthly father.
It is a hard thing to watch the effects and depths of his grieving this first Christmas/holiday season without his Dad.
His Mom's struggles remain and loom enormous after a horrific car wreck, in which she totally lost control, hit a rock wall, fractured her neck, and mangled her right arm.
Aunt Vaida's lung cancer is back, and she continues to fight this awful disease.
All three of my dear sisters stand in the face of severe testing... one, still reeling in the aftermath and ongoing chaos from her home's direct hit from Hurricane Irma,
one, whose whole world was turned completely upside down when her husband, LD, passed away just four days ago...none of us can believe he is gone...the grief is so raw and near-unbearable,
and, one, who continues to suffer from complications after surgery this year.
My cousin, Danny, and his wife, Vickie, both died within eight hours of each other.
Another cousin, Billy, lost his only son, Chris, during 2017.
Our dear, precious family dog, Paige, passed away after suffering terribly.
We will never, ever forget her.
There are a host of other personal things...things that have shaken us to the core and come close to knocking us off our feet this year.
Our future feels very shaky and uncertain heading into 2018.
Things we counted on to be there, can be counted on no longer.
So many chapters closed...so many heartaches and changes...seeming to come from so many angles.
Someone said it is a compliment when God allows extreme anguish.
That satan fights hardest against those he considers a threat.
That God entrusts hard things to those He can trust the most.
I'll be honest.
None of this feels like a compliment.
It feels like way too much at one time.
More than once, I have said, "I can't take anymore".
More than once, God has proven that when I can't go another step, He is strong enough to pick me up and carry me...issues, hang-ups, burdens, included.
I started this post talking about this being AD 2017, the year of our Lord Jesus Christ.
As we wrap up this beyond-difficult year, the point God is trying to get across to me is that the year 2017, along with every other year of life, was His...to do with as He chose.
To order, direct, orchestrate, and allow every detail, according to a plan that is so far above anything I can comprehend.
The moments, hours, days, months, and years are His.
Psalm 31:15 says,
"My times are in Thy hand: deliver me from the hand of mine enemies, and from them that persecute me."
It is not for me to dictate when and how things occur in this life.
I have NO control over anything at all.
There is a "fullness of time" for every event that happens to each and every one of us.
"That in the dispensation of the fullness of times He might gather together in one all things in Christ, both which are in heaven, and which are on earth; even in Him..."
Ephesians 1:10
"But when the fullness of the time was come, God sent forth His Son, made of a woman, made under the law..."
Galatians 4:4
We can't rush, nor delay the things that God reserves unto Himself.
If I had my way, none of my loved ones would ever suffer, and I would never be separated from any of them through death.
They would all live to a ripe, old age, in well, healthy bodies, and I would spend every possible moment with them.
Accidents would never happen.
Phone calls that bear bad, shocking, shake-you-to-the-core news would never occur.
All would be well.
Always.
I don't always get my way.
That is a fact of this life, and the sooner I accept it, the easier it will be to navigate through all of the things that are "not my will".
We live in a fallen world, so far inferior to the home Jesus has gone to prepare for us.
As long as we are here, there will be many things to endure.
Jesus said,
"These things I have spoken unto you, that in Me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world."
John 16:33
None of us are exempt from the human condition.
"That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for He maketh His sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust."
Matthew 5:45
At the end of this year, our hearts are broken shattered.
LD's passing left my family and me completely stunned, and my tears flow like a river.
We all had so much faith for his earthly, physical healing, and when it didn't happen the way we wanted it to, we are left reeling from the shock.
I'm not even going to pretend that I come close to understanding why God took LD right now.
We will miss him forever, and the hurt is going to linger for a long, long time.
He was such a strong, necessary part of our family, and there is just this big, deep void now.
There are no words.
As we mourn and pass through this season of enormous grief,
there is a bright spot that illuminates all of our hearts and souls.
His name is Eli, and, as promised, here is a picture of the little guy.
I love this picture!
He was looking up at the Christmas lights.
And, in this one, it looks like he is ready to take on the world!
Isn't he a dollbaby?
An aunt has the right to brag, you know.
To God be all glory for the amazing gift of little Eli!
He is our symbol of hope, in the midst of so much darkness and pain.
We suffered deep, deep losses this year, but God sent a precious angel to earth to show us that life must go on, in spite of all.
It sort of reminds me of the year 2000, in some ways.
God took my dear Dad to Heaven in June, but He sent us precious Zachary in December.
It's hard to say this, but "the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD."
Job 1:21
To each of you faithful, precious readers and friends, I say,
Happy New Year!
May God bless each of you in a special way every, single day of 2018.
I end this final post of 2017 with five of the songs that have helped sustain me countless times.
They truly express how I feel right now.
