Friday, January 11, 2013

Backtracking & Re-Losing The Same Pounds :~)

"And be not conformed to this world:
but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind,
that ye may prove what is that good,
and acceptable,
and perfect, will of God."
Romans 12:2

I finally got my nerve up.
It took me a while.
This is, after all, 
several days after New Year's Day.
But, I couldn't bring myself to do it...
until today.

I took the dreaded plunge...
and stepped on the scale.
Back before the holiday season started, 
I had, by God's gracious help,
reached a coveted goal...
 a short-term goal, but a goal none-the-less...
15 pounds lost!

I was so excited.

Then, along came Thanksgiving...

and Christmas...

and New Years...

and well, somewhere in the mix,
after many bouts of defeat,
I looked at Kevin one day and said,
"You know, I think I'll stop trying this...
until after the holidays are over!"

It took a while for it to sink in
that to try to diet during such occasions of temptation
was extremely self-defeating.
I was just setting myself up...
for a repetitious cycle of failure.

So, I stopped.
I kept my long-term restriction of 
eating no white, refined sugar,
well, other than that...
the rest of my self-restraint...
just kind of flew right out the window.

I enjoyed the holidays.
To the fullest.

So, my fear and enormous dread of the scale since then
was very well-founded.
I had every possible reason to cringe each time
my eyes fell upon the little, square, digital, white terror
sitting on our bathroom floor.
It stared up at me...
intimidating me each time our "gaze" connected.
I promised myself I would exercise some restraint
and do some exercise...
before I even thought of tapping the bottom right corner
and stepping on it...
in this year of new beginnings.

Today, I finally mustered the courage.
How much of the 15 pounds had I regained?
How many pounds would I have to re-lose...
for the umpteenth time?
How many times have I lost the same pound....
only to find it again...
and re-absorb it back into my composition?

Well, here goes, I thought.
Let's get through this...quickly.
Let's make this as painless as possible,
and just get it done.

I tapped the corner.
Stepped up.
And faced the music.

Dreading the worst, 
I courageously looked down.

What a relief!
Just four pounds up!
How surprising!

I feared I had regained the entire 15 pounds I had lost.
When I weighed that option against the 4 pounds I actually regained...
well, it just didn't seem quite that bad.  

Sometimes, just finding out where you actually stand on an issue
is the most dreaded part.
But, after you find out,
after you face the music,
after you determine you are ready to pay the piper,
no matter what the fee,
you can start fresh.
You can renew your mind.
Begin from here...
and move forward.

I was a bit aggravated at myself for regaining ANY weight at all.
Can anyone out there relate to what it takes to eliminate just one pound???
What a woman goes through?
Just to see the scale drop by a digit of one?

But, even though I am a bit aggravated,
I am pretty much okay with it.
It is better to start off here...
than where I was when I began losing the 15 pounds, right?

I made up my mind this morning to just submit the four pounds...
to the God Who loves me...
no matter what number the scale announces
when I step on it.

He knows and sees how hard I try.

I decided to just forget that I was 15 pounds lighter,
and that I am only 11 pounds lighter now...
and plow forward....
through this maze and jungle of excess...
that somehow has landed in my corner....
on my frame.  :~)

Losing weight is truly one of the most difficult challenges 
I can imagine.
It is such an uphill battle.
I keep thinking if I could just get the weight off...
all of it...
get down to my goal...
I would never, ever allow this to happen again.

But, how to get there?
I am going to go back to what was working for me
before the holidays hit.
We all have to find that special thing that works for us.

I got back on my covered-with-a-thick-layer-of-dust treadmill tonight.

My broken toe has been healed for
longer than I care to admit.
That excuse worked for a while.
Its credibility, alas, has worn thin...
and become quite incredible, at this point.  :~)
So, I got on it...
and lasted for about 25 minutes.
It felt really good.
To sweat.
To know I am back on the right track.
To feel that great sense of accomplishment...
and relief...
after it was over.

I have battled my weight ever since Zachary was born.
Well, somewhat even before that.
But, not nearly as much as since I gave birth.
It is just a constant struggle for me.
I admire those who seem to stuff every imaginable morsel
into their mouth,
only to stay in their perfect weight range.
It seems I can just look at food, 
and somehow, psychologically,
it finagles its way onto some part of me.
Why is this?
How is it humanly possible?

I also started drinking water today.
I feel like I may have lost half of those same four pounds again.  :~)
How many times have I lost and regained those same pounds?
If I had a dollar for each time this has happened,
I would be financially secure...
for life, no doubt.

How many times do we try and fail...
lose a pound, then regain it...
take one step forward only to take two steps back...
fall flat on our face, then have to get back up and regain our traction?

It hit me today that I am going to approach this weight-loss thing
with the thoughts and intentions that I am only beginning today.
Thank God for His power to renew our minds.
To give us the courage to begin again.
To instill within us the determination we need...
to leave the past behind...
and press on.

I will not cry over the regained four pounds.
I am thankful it wasn't worse.

I will start today...
where I am...
on the scales,
and I will go forward,
doing my best to lose...
from here.

It's better than where I was before.
I will just forget the four pounds...
and cherish the memories I made while
enjoying yummy food with family and friends.

I am going to take advice I read from the words of C. S. Lewis
and "start over today as if nothing has yet been done."

It has been said that the greatest men have the greatest faults and failings,
just as the tallest men cast the longest shadows.

Failure is not falling down.
It is staying down.
It is just giving up...
when we slip and gain some of the weight back,
when we make a mistake and take the wrong path.

I know I am not going to lose this weight quickly.
It is just not in my metabolism to do so.
I know that on this journey,
I will, against my will, go into reverse once in a while.
I realize I will have to compensate for that...
make up for it.
And that's okay.

At least today,
I am 11 pounds lighter than when I started.
I'll focus on that...
and go forward from here.

How about you?
What's your challenge?
Had some set-backs?
Found yourself heading in the wrong direction?

Don't sweat it.
Just figure out where you are...
right now...
That's the first step.
Own your current position.
Don't deny it.
Don't beat yourself up for getting here.
Don't cry over what you wish you would have done differently.
It really doesn't matter how you got here.
You're here.
Accept it.
Then take the first step in the right direction.
Do what you need to do...
one step at a time.

When I look at the big picture,
I am overwhelmed.
I feel so defeated.
I have to dissect it down into bite-sized pieces...
in order to be able to deal with it.

When I started out,
I needed to lose 63 pounds.
That is monumental.
Completely overpowering.
Subtract the 15,
and I still needed to lose 48.
Now, I am back up to needing to lose 52.
52 sounds better to me than 63.
I'll take 52 over 63 any day.
By God's grace and help,
I will do this...
one pound at a time.

So, will you.
Whatever your difficulty.
However huge your challenge.
We just can't let it overwhelm us...
to the point of totally giving up.
We have to keep trying.
Keep applying ourselves.
Look at what is in right in front of us,
not what is behind us,
and not what we cannot see.

I love the quote,
"I do not ask to see the distant scenes.
One step enough for me."

Me, too.
One step...
one pound...
one day...
 is all I can handle..
at a time.
It is all God promised, anyway.

Success comes in cans;
failure comes in can'ts.

Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off the goal.

There was something gratifying about falling below
the "need-to-lose-50-pounds" mark.
48 sounded so much better.

I wish I hadn't gained any weight back.
But, I did.
I can't change it.
It is here...
unwanted and unwelcome,
but here, nonetheless.

I'll deal with it.
I'll keep trying.
I'll be glad when I get back to 15 pounds lost...
and even happier when I go beyond that...
and beyond ecstatic when I reach my 63 pound goal,
God willing!

Have you failed?
You won't always.
You will learn from your mistakes,
and you will pick up the pieces...
and start again.
Because you are stronger than you think.
You have a will...
deep inside...
that will not quit.
You will waste no time in wishing things weren't the way they are.
You will begin today...
with a perspective of faith.
To think positive.
To realize you need God's help.
To trust in His strength...
not your own.

He is with you.
You are not alone.
And even if you are back-tracking...
like me...
to get back to the point from which you fell,
you know deep in your heart,
that it is worth the trip.
It is worth what it takes to get there.
And you will make it.

By God's help,
I will, too.  :~)


  1. Hi Cheryl I'm enjoying your writing and just checking that I can comment. xx Sue.

    1. Thank you so much, Sue! So thankful to know that you are enjoying your visit here. :) God bless you.

  2. Oh wow ! I may actually be able to comment. :-) Anyway, I love your compassionate writing, Cheryl.

    They say that the MIND is crucial in such issues. For a gal with a good solid-boned frame like mine, or any gal - does she look gross and/or is her health caving in ? If neither, I wouldn't let the scales make the rules.

    There is a winning strategy for every gal who really does need to trim down. It depends on your personal style. For me, exercising self-control every five minutes, exercising per se, joining a gal's group etc, was not going to cut it. I basically ignored my broadening middle over the years until finally I felt so sick and so desperate for change that I took myself in hand. My style ? COLD TURKEY ! I asked the Lord when I should start and He said, "Wednesday". So I started that Wednesday. No eating anything, no fruit juice, etc - just plain purified tank water. It was really easy (well, relatively). Whenever I felt ill, another drink of water. (I continued making hubby's meals as usual.) The temptation to eat was negligible. I slept well and started to feel better physically.

    After some time my energy level was dropping and hunger started to return. I told the Lord I thought I was going to have to start eating again that evening. When I checked the date, it was a full 21 days since I'd started. That had been my planned number of days.
    My body feels healthier and I can now fit clothes I haven't worn in decades. I like the shape of my new figure when I catch a glimpse in the mirror. My old inaccurate scales tell me I've lost about two stone.
    Since I feel somewhat healthier now and have gotten out of the habit of snacking all the time, I'm not wanting to snack. It's easy to 'pass' on snacks.
    My appetite has changed. Instead of filling up on our sweet homegrown fruits as I used to all the time, I'm now longing for good quality lean beef and lamb - grass fed. For those whose health and work schedule will allow this, I thoroughly recommend the COLD TURKEY weight loss method. It didn't cost a dime and I feel fine. Thanks to the Lord !
    (And I'm 55+.) Suzanna.

    1. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and heart here, Suzanna! I am so thankful to "meet" you! I have done a 10 day fast, but I drank the lemon, maple syrup, and cayenne concoction to keep my strength up. I admire you for being able to do this for such a long time! I don't think I could go completely cold turkey, due to health issues, but it is a wonderful thought! Fasting makes me feel so close to God, too, which is so wonderful. I so appreciate your visit and kind comments. I hope you will come back often. :) God bless you.