Friday, May 4, 2012

A Greater Woe

"...because man goeth to his long home, and the mourners go about the streets..."
Ecclesiastes 12:5 (KJV)

I found myself walking from one room of the house to the other. 
From the recliner to the sofa.
From looking out the kitchen window, to pacing the floor again.

Restless.  Inconsolable.

Finality was setting the point beyond endurance.
I wanted to see much, it hurt.

My tears were a constant river.

My cries to God were anguished.

Finally, I looked up, and we had this conversation.

"Why, God?  Why did you take her?  Why now?  I need her so much."

"Child, you have to understand.
She was old.
I left her here for 84 years.
I didn't create these human bodies to last forever.
And, do you know why?
This on only temporary.
You know your mother always told you that none of you came here to stay always.
I didn't intend for you to.
This is just to prepare you for your long home.
The home that will last forever."

"But, God, I want to be with her.
I want to see her today.
I want to go pick her up and take her to Burger King...or Wendy's.
I want life to be normal again."

"Child, she is enjoying something far better than Wendy's."

"But, God, she loved their Baja salad."

"She's feasting with me now."

"But, Lord, this pain, this hurt, it is too much.  I can't bear it.  I can't believe she's gone."

"My heart was broken.  
I understand.  
Here, child, let me hold you.  
Be still.  
Stop shaking.  
Let me steady your trembling hand.  
Place it in Mine.  
It's steady.  
It will not let you go."

I felt my tense body relax....just a His arms.

"God, can you give me the reason you took her now and not later?"

"To spare you from a greater woe, child.  There was something worse..than even this."


"Really, God?"

"Absolutely.  You can bear this.  You couldn't have endured the greater woe."

The words to the song, "Just To Know That He Knows" came to my mind.

A greater woe.

In one of the verses, it says, "and in mercy His wisdom the flames may have sent,
that my soul greater woe might be spared."

What was God sparing me from by taking Mom now?

What was the greater woe?

I may never know.
Some things are just not meant to be understood.
Perhaps, one day He will show me, and I will shudder, and I will praise Him for taking
my dear Mother...when He did.

He had a reason for it.
He doesn't enjoy our suffering...and grief.
He always does what is best, in spite of our tears and pleadings for Him not to do what hurts.

"For preventing a greater woe, Father, I thank you."

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