Thursday, May 24, 2012

The Language of Tears

"Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities:  for we know not what we should pray for as we ought:  but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered."
Romans 8:26 (KJV)

I know this is going to sound really horrible....for a confess such a thing.

But, I have gone for several days without being able to have a decent prayer.

I know how important it is to keep a diligent prayer life.
I have proven many times throughout life that without prayer, I cannot make it.
I know this...very well...firsthand.

But, I find that I am in such a place of heaviness, grief, and anguish...that I have not been able to say words.

I hit my knees...I try to voice my feelings...but there are no words.....none.
Nothing will come.
Except the floodwaters of my tears.
Streaming down, like a never-ending river.

How can I put into words...this....this pain?
How do I start to explain the hurt...of missing her?

If I do try to speak my prayer, I end up not being able to.
I fall short.
I get frustrated.
I end up getting up off my knees feeling like I have completely pray the way I ought to.

So, I just kneel there....and I cry....and I pour out the depths of my heart....without words.

Today's passage of Scripture is one I have known for years....probably close to all my life.
I have never grasped the depths of its I do now.

The Spirit of Almighty God...the Holy Spirit....knows and understands that I do not know how to pray
as I ought to.
Right now, the words can not....will not come.
So, He is helping my infirmities.
He is making intercession to the Father for me.
With groanings which cannot be uttered.
With groanings that I cannot put into words.

The precious Holy Spirit deciphers my rambling, wailing flow of tears,
and He understands perfectly....what needs to be the Father.

The thing I need the most.....the deepest need inside of healing...of this broken heart.

He gets that....somehow He knows.....though I have not ample words to express it.
He knows.

Isaiah 61:1 prophesies that one of Jesus' main reasons for coming into this world is, 
" bind up the brokenhearted."

How do you go about binding up a broken heart?

Are there human instruments, medical procedures, man made inventions....that can do this?

Can I walk into a doctor's office and request that they bind up my broken heart?
Can they put it in a cast?  A sling?  A protective shell?
To shield it from further hurt?
Until it heals?

Where would they begin?

A broken heart doesn't show up on an xray, CT scan, PET scan, MRI, or ultrasound.
It can't be seen.
Even by the most advanced medical technology.

It is hidden the inner recesses of the human heart...
past the muscle itself,
past the arteries and veins carrying blood to and from,
past the chambers and valves.

And the only eye it is seen by is the eye of our great Creator....the one who made our heart....even that....that inmost core of our the first place.

He saw mine fall apart.
He sees the broken pieces...scattered....shattered.
He sees every part of it.
He knows about all of it.
He's already diagnosed being broken.
He doesn't need my explain and describe what is going on...inside of me.
He knows just what to do.
He knows how to bind broken heart.....gently, tenderly, carefully....and put all of the shattered pieces back into place...without me even asking for it.

I'm so glad God understands the language of tears.

I'm so thankful this language requires no words.

I'm so grateful the precious Holy Spirit carries the yearnings of the humanly-unintelligible language of my tears....the only method I am capable of using to "pray" the Throne of Grace, and He explains it to Almighty God in the way I am trying so hard to....but am so incapable of right now.

It reminds me of a song called "Cast Thy Burden On The Lord" (author unknown).

It is derived from Psalm 55:22, which says,
"Cast thy burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain thee:  He shall never suffer the righteous to be moved."

Here are the lyrics to two of the five verses of the song....

"Christian, when thy way seems darkest,
And thine eyes with tears are dim,
Straight to God, thy Father, hast'ning,
Tell thy sorrows unto Him.
Not to human ear confiding, 
Thy sad tale of grief and care,
But before thy Father kneeling,
Pour out all thy sorrows there."

And this is my favorite verse....

"Sympathy of friends may cheer thee,
When the raging storm is past,
But, God only can console thee,
In the wild, terrific blast.
Go with words or tears or silence,
Only lay them at His feet,
Thou shalt prove how great His pity,
And His tenderness how sweet."

I am proving His pity...His tenderness....His love.
Even though I know not how to ask for what I ought....what I need.

He needs no explanation.
He doesn't have to be intelligible words.

My tears amply, clearly, and adequately convey the message....sent from my broken heart.

My tears are enough.

God understands.

1 comment:

  1. Sis. Cheryl,
    I'm sure no one thinks it's "horrible". . . to go through a time when you can't pray. If we've not been there yet, we'll go through it sometime. The author of the song surely knew from experience.